Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

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I know who the president of Turkey really is

I can count

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I don’t cotton to rapists

I see through liars

I don’t buy bullshit

When North Koreans visit other countries for the Olympics, what stops some of them fleeing away into that host country?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Can you explain the difference between being a conservative Republican and a liberal Democrat? Can you provide some examples of their ideologies?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Why do some people never get to on a date even though they wanted to? Are they just too ugly and weird for everybody?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

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I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Why do companies cull employees during financial downturns without saying so?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Have you ever gone to a porn theater with your wife?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Are there any Hollywood celebrities who never divorced? Why does it seem like celebrities are likely to get divorced frequently?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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I have an acute aversion to scumbags

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a friend's daughter?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Why does Russia and many parts of Eastern Europe strangely have a high percentage of female doctors and physicians (~70%)?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Why is it difficult to get a job?

I actually pay taxes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

As a guy, how do you know you if you are considered attractive?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have a reading level above third grade

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I can read

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane